We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
