My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
