...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
