today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
