He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize