So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
