dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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