Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
