I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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