i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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