i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
