i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
