I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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