I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
