I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
