i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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