WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
