so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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