According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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