If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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