I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
