I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize