it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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