My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
