I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
