There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
