I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
