apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
