On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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