You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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