I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
