dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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