Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Two words: nipple clamps
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