like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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