Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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