i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
