i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
