I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
