he told me I talked like a deaf person
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
