how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
