i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize