I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I want her autograph on my taint
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Randomize
