Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
