i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
