I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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