just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
