Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
you would pick up someone in the library
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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