she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
