I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
