never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
