what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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