Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
