No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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