The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
