I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
