Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
