I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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