He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
