This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
