yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
