theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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