I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
