so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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