When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize