I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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