i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
