eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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