Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
