He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
