is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
