will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
