i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Your cock deserves a montage
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
