The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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