he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
