Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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