Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
