my phone needs a breathalizer
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
