I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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