i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize