Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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