Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
