She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
