Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
