it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
