I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
