I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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