this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
