Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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