weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
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I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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