At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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