Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
