and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
