i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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