This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
