I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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