Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
