I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize